Welcome to the latest Happy Hour mailbag! You know how these work: you write us with your best rant/joke/one-liner at [email protected] or on Twitter at @jaybusbee, we respond to your messages, everyone goes away with a smile on their face. Today, we’re talking great finishes vs. great races, Darrell Waltrip, souvenirs and much more. Away we go…
I went to ‘Dega last week and as I walked out of the track to my car, I couldn’t help but feel cheated. I was wanting for so much more after seeing that race … It was a great final lap to be sure, but I didn’t go to see a one lap shootout. I didn’t go to see a more than a few of the top-tier drivers cruise around the track a mile behind the leader, but that’s exactly what I saw. I paid good money for good seats so that I had a good view of good racing, but I didn’t get to see anything close to that … I won’t be back to Talladega for as long as this two car ride along racing style is in effect. I’ll stay home and I’ll catch the final 10 laps on TV.
Sunday was the first time I regretted attending a NASCAR race.
— Larry
Enterprise, AL
That’s the kind of letter that NASCAR ought to pay attention to: someone who knows what he’s talking about, not blinded by "everything since Petty retired sucks." The 2×2 racing won’t be around forever, but it’ll be here for the short term, at least.
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Shorten the damn races and come up with some other way to get the sponsors air time… more interviews or billboards or half-naked women with sponsor tattoos. Better yet, run the Nationwide race before the cup race, that gives the fans plenty of racing and makes the two timers (Busch, Edwards, etc…) pick one race, or suffer the results of back to back racing.
I think the LONGEST race of the year should be 400 miles, the others around 300. That would force the drivers to actually race the entire event to insure a solid chance of winning the event. It might also keep more people in front of the TV.
— Tim Palmer
I like the idea of shortening races, and the places where it’s been tried (California, for instance) have seen a boost. Plus, I’m all for the tattoo idea. The Nationwide one won’t work; the tracks wouldn’t give up one day of race income to combine both races in a single day. And I think some races (Daytona, Talladega, the Coca-Cola 600) ought to be the max length. But yeah, let’s lop a few miles off some of these other races. Come to terms with the idea, NASCAR.
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How fun would a baseball game be that was scoreless until the 9th inning because all the batters just tried for singles, no one tried stealing a base, etc. just to be safe, until the final inning? Who’d bother to watch a football game that both teams only went for field goals every trip to the red zone, so as to at least get points on the board every time? Follow this reasoning for every major sport that I can think of except the NHL (folks would still probably watch for the fights), and MLS (which so often ends in a tie, or a 1-0 win.) But at least the soccer players are trying to score every chance they get.
— Michael
A perfectly executed ball-control offense is a thing of beauty, and … aw, I can’t even fake my way through that garbage. (Aside: I went to a World Cup soccer game in 1994. One team scored in the first minute, while I was finding my seat. The game ended 1-0. And it was still one of the most amazing sporting events I’ve ever seen live.)
It’d be a nightmare logistically, but NASCAR may want to consider something like awarding points at various checkpoints in a race, anything to avoid the dreaded ridearound. It’s very simple: many races are too damn long.
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I just have to ask, why does Darrell Waltrip make everything about himself? A story can be said about a particular driver, Darrell will make it about himself by using the word "I" and tell a story about himself, then say something simple and somewhat informative about the subject driver. I started noticing this about 4 years ago and now it’s grating on me. You can tell who he likes and who he doesn’t. Is that part of his job? The other two commentators are non-biased. You can tell he really likes Carl and Kyle Busch. You can tell he doesn’t like Junior.
— Arlene Hallmark
Well, except for last year’s Daytona 500, when he was openly cheering for "Junebug." Waltrip grates on people, sure, but he’s like anyone else with strong opinions: if they run in the same direction as your own, you’re probably OK with him. Like Dick Vitale in college basketball, for instance. I’m sure everyone connected with the Duke program loves him, just as everyone who loathes Duke (that would be "everyone else on earth") can’t stand Dickie V either.
Also, just to put a bow on this: there’s a lot of misunderstanding about what Waltrip’s role is. He’s supposed to be biased; he’s a commentator on the sport. His biases, and the fact that he’s a personality, are what keep people interested in him. Simple facts are dull indeed; I appreciate someone who can put a spin on those facts.
But it’s time to send "boogity boogity" to that special farm out in the country where your parents sent your old dog that one time.
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I’m wondering, two months into the season, where all the die-cast cars and such we are used to seeing at Walmart, Target and Toys R Us have gone to? Nobody has anything.
— Jonathan Chow
Yeah, that stinks; that used to be the only way I could survive going into the toy aisle with my kids; I’d abandon them to look at Legos or Hello Kitty or whatever and I’d see if there were any cool new die-casts out there. (What? If they’re old enough to stand without help, they’re old enough to be alone in a strange toy aisle. What could possibly happen?)
Anyway, blame Dale Junior. Kind of. Motorsports Authentics, the merchandising arm of NASCAR, was suffering under a huge weight of unsold inventory, a third of which was reportedly Earnhardt merchandise, and so last year decided to refocus its efforts on trackside sales. It was a debacle on top of a debacle, but it did give us this priceless quote from SMI’s Bruton Smith, a partial investor in Motorsports Authentics: "That was the worst decision that I have ever made in my business life … buying half of that damn sorry-ass company. I refused to do it for five years and finally got talked into it and should have never done it … [I]t was a sorry-run company and the due diligence was not done properly and the company had a lot of crap out there."
So there you go. It’s the track or the Internet for you, sir.
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Two things stand out to me after watching the replay of the Craven-Busch finish at Darlington. First is the quote: "Blaney has the fastest car on the track right now." Have we ever heard that since? But the announcers also pointed out that Craven’s Pontiac had a longer nose than Busch’s Taurus. I watched and at the line, it looked as if their front roof pillars were exactly side-by-side. Busch, in the driver’s seat, might have actually crossed the line before Craven!
Had they been in the identical new car, the finish might have been different. And I say this as a COT fan.
— Randy Black
Portland, OR
When I was a kid and we were on road trips, my brothers and I used to try to be the first ones "into" a state by sticking out our arms as far forward in the car as we could as we approached a state line. It was always fun until somebody accidentally stuck a finger in my dad’s ear. Perhaps NASCAR should institute a "first driver," not "first bumper," rule to determine the winner. Then you’d have guys crammed up into their own windshields trying to get across first.
On a more serious note, I can’t wait for the different looks to the cars scheduled to hit in 2013. Gearheads and car aficionados will have something more to appreciate after several years of — how best to put this? — numbing sameness.
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Busbee: You idiot. I cannot believe you ranked Kasey Kahne below Foghorn Leghorn and Michael Waltrip ! Don’t you know that if Daytona/LasVegas/Martinsville/Bristol/Texas hadn’t happened, he’d be in first? Didn’t you see he was so good at Talledega he was on FIRE???? Come on! These power rankings are awful and biased, and you should be stripped to your skivvies, put into a tank full of leeches and be forced to listen to Vanilla Ice for 4.534 hours.
— Rusty Mills
Clearly, the handy "I hate your Power Rankings" fill-in-the-blank comment form is working to perfection. Word to yo’ mutha.
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I have an easy fix to the whole two-car and single line fix. NASCAR, hear your fans and take the restictor plates off the cars at Talladega and Daytona. This will give the cars back the ability to sling shot around each other. To the drivers out there that say it’s too fast, I am sure there are thousands of people that will drive the car at 200+ miles an hour. To the people that say it’s unsafe, with all the crashes that have happened since NASCAR put in the SAFER barrier and all the stuff to the car and none of the drivers have been held in the infield for more than a few minutes. The cars can handle it, period. These two tracks should be the fast on the schedule, period.
— Daniel
Nashville TN
I think the cars and the drivers can handle it just fine. What I’m concerned about is the fences and those soft, fleshy fans in the bleachers. See: Bobby Allison, 1987:
Take a look at what happened to that fence. That, folks, is how close we came to losing NASCAR forever. If Allison had gone into the crowd, that would’ve been it for the sport.
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For me, Dale Jr. is the epitome of NASCAR. Most drivers are so scrubbed clean, polished and corporate that it turns me off. Dale does acknowledge the sponsors and spout the good word, but he’s more down-to-earth. He’s like me but a celebrity. Most of the drivers give the impression that they wouldn’t dare get dirty or get their hair messed up. This is NASCAR, dammit.
— Bryan Forrest
Denny Hamlin would take issue with you, sir, but he’s got a microdermabrasion facial and a hot stone massage that have taken weeks to schedule, so he’s a little busy right now. But when he’s done, his assistant will be typing up a sternly-worded rejoinder, believe you me.
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And finally, we end with an exercise in same planet, different worlds. Herewith, excerpts from two letters regarding Jimmie Johnson maybe/maybe not going below the yellow line at Talladega:
Look at the pictures on your web site. Johnson’s left side tires were clearly below the yellow line.
— John C. (#5 Fan)
Clearly while Jimmie’s tires were on the most inside yellow line, he had not crossed.
— Tex
Bend, OR
Clearly.
And on that note, we’re out. Thanks to all our writers this week. You want in? Fire up the computer and hit us with whatever’s on your mind, NASCAR-wise, at [email protected], find us on Facebook right here, or hit us up on Twitter at @jaybusbee. Make sure to tell us where you’re from. We’ll make you famous!
Happy Hour: Great finishes don’t overshadow dull races
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